Hawaii five-o season 1

Episode 24
Danny: All of those that think that is a certifiedly demented idea please raise you hand (looks and Kaye)Please raise your hand!
Kaye: Im new i Didn't think I got a vote.
Steve McGarrett: You don't get a vote. And the rest of you are forgetting that the five o is not a democracy it is a benevolent dictatorship ! Got it.
McGarrett: Why don't you just ask her out?
Chin: Miss Hills?
McG: No, the Governor. Who do you think? Every time we see Laura she's sexting you with her eyes.
McGarrett: I'd take powered eggs over your eggs any day.
Danno: My eggs? You love my eggs.
Danno: Out of the top ten dopiest suggestions you have ever had this is number one with a bullet.
Danno: All those of you who think that is a certifiably demented idea please raise your hand. [Looks at Jenna Kaye] Please raise your hand.
Kaye: I'm new. I didn't think I got a vote.
Danno: Why are you dressed like a ninja?
Jenna Kaye: That's crazy.
Danno: Welcome to my world.
Jenna Kaye: I like it. What do we do now?
Episode 23
McGarrett: One near death experience and you go all warm and cuddly on me?
Danno: You're telling me this guy is not from around here?
Gracie: No Daddy, he lives in a pineapple under the sea.
Danno: What could be more Hawaiian than that?
Gracie: Fried chicken isn't good for you. It has cholesterol and causes heart disease.
Kamekona: Nah, a little bit of grease is good for you. Helps your insides stay lubricated.
Danno: I'm fine. I like hospital food, you know that. I checked in for the weekend.
Gracie: What's a hangover?
Danno: It's a... You'll figure it out when you're about...thirty-five?
McGarrett: Thirty-five... thirty... sixty...
Danno: Forty or so.
McGarrett: Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't there a car attached to you?
Kaye: Oh? Weird.
Episode 22
Danno: I'm going to talk to these models.
McGarrett: Okay, well just stick questions pertaining to the case.
Danno: What's that supposed to mean?
McGarrett: What it means, is that I know you. Stick to the case.
Kamekona:If I live through this I am never gambling again.
Danno:Yeah right.
Kamekona:How much you wanna bet?
Charlie Fong: Cool tech.
Kono: You're not the only nerd on the block.
McGarrett:This is going to clear your name.
Chin: Yeah, but at what cost?
Derek Marcum:I take it you are part of Honolulu's law enforcement community.
Danno: What gave us away?
Derek Marcum: You're wearing a tie in Hawaii.
Episode 21
Agent Allison Marsh: Listen to me, you can not go after Jimmy Cannon.
McGarrett: Watch me.
Kono:Tangential? Wow! You don't have to bust out the big words to impress me.
Danno: Spider-Woman, what are you doing? I got em' on speed dial. Would you be careful, please? Destruction of property... You've been hanging out with McGarrett too long.
Danno: Please don't do that.
McGarrett: What?
Danno: Please don't put both hands on the wheel. Every time you do that something terrible happens, and I have to pray. Wait...wait. [puts on seatbelt] Okay.
Richard Cannon: Don't try to tell me who my father is. I know who my father is.
Danno: Deep. Really, deep.
Danno: I don't even want to know what you would do.
McGgarrett: I would be by the book.
Danno: The book?
McGarrett: I would be by the book.
Danno: The book? What book would that be? I ask... Patriot Act for Dummies... War & Peace minus the peace part.
Episode 20
Steve McGarrett: I'm not gonna catch your ass if you fall
Danno: I'd rather you don't catch me if I fall, okay..
Danny: What is the matter with you? You need help! I will pay for it!
Danno: We had the Yankees. You and your old man had deep sea demolition classes or something.
Danno: Steve fell. He's hurt.
Kono: Whoa-whoa wait, how bad?
Danno: I don't know, I'm not a doctor. I think he broke his arm.
Danno: Hands up, Ahab.
Kono: You're a cop! You're supposed to tell the truth!
Chin: Sometimes things aren't so simple, Kono!
Danno: Shaved Ice, do me a favor, no one wants to articulate with you.
Episode 19
Wo Fat: Let me offer you a little friendly advice. If you go digging into your family's past you may not like what you find.
Bartender: You don't find Jonny D., Jonny D. finds you.
Danno: Sounds spooky.
Danno: That's the Space Needle, not the Eiffel Tower you schmuck.
McGarrett: What did you just do?
Jenna Kaye: You mean with my gum?
McGarret: Yeah, with your gum. This is a computer not your high school desk.
Danno:You're like a devourer of dreams. You eat them. You're like a little Pac-Man in cargo pants.
McGarrett: Must you know every detail of my life?
Danno: Hey, this is the CIA you are dealing with here, okay. They wrote the book on advanced interrogation techniques, which I am absolutely positive you have sitting on your bedside table right now.
Episode 18
Rachel: I assume you've heard the term passive-aggressive.
Danno: I wasn't being passive-aggressive.
Rachel: No, you were being aggressive-aggressive.
Danno: He said he was going in for a business meeting. Who pats you down for a business meeting?
McGarrett: Someone who doesn't want to get caught.
McGarrett: Why, what are you going to do?
Danno: It's nothing. I've got it. I'm gonna take care of it.
McGarrett: Okay, I know what nothing means, so...
Danno: Nothing means, nothing, Stephen. I'm fine.
McGarrett: Don't go anywhere I'm gonna be there soon.
Matt: What's with the third degree, Magnum? Are you looking to poach my client?
Danno: Yeah, I'm trying to poach your client. I'm checking in on my little brother's career; that alright?
Danno: You ready to see your Uncle Mattie, or what? He's what?
Grace: The coolest ever.
Danno: You know a less secure father might take that personally. I always considered myself the coolest ever.
McGarrett: Okay, I know what nothing means, so...
Danno: Nothing means, nothing, Stephen. I'm fine.
McGarrett: Don't go anywhere I'm gonna be there soon.
Episode 17
Steve: Ok, uh, what about this ransom?
Danny: Twenty million dollars. Yeah, each of the parents received a call on their cell phone, same exact call. And unlike having lunch with you, they don't care how the check is split, they just want the money
Danno: So, you pirates have a piratey code of silence?
McGarrett: I'll be back.
Danno: I'll be back? That's all you could come up with is, I'll be back? Trust me he's done better.
Danno: When did you start jogging?
Kamekona: I'm training bra'.
Danno: Did he just say he's in a training bra?
Danno: I am stretching because my back hurts. You know why my back hurts?
McGarrett: No. Why does your back hurt?
Danno: Because I spent the morning pushing a car down the highway.
McGarrett: Oh, where I come from that's called good exercise.
Danno: Oh really? Where's that, Krypton? Where I come from it's called a workers comp settlement.
Danno: I don't have a sentimental side, okay, and if I did it would be reserved for human beings. Not some junky machine.
Danno: Do I wanna steer? No. I don't wanna steer. I want to continue to push this hunk of metal up a hill in ninety degree weather! That's what I wanna do!
Episode 16
Chin: You know there might be a few other things I can teach ya, but I think you have the whole ass kicking thing down.
McGarrett: You say I have a face. You have a tone, and it says, 'I'm gonna hit somebody.'
Chin: Some guys, they're just born without a fear gene.
McGarrett: If the witness comes back this way you get her straight to the courthouse. If the shooters come back you put them down, and make sure they stay down.
Danno: You know what the greatest invention of all time is?
Chin: What?
Danno: The ignore button. I have a theory that whoever invented the modern cellular phone also had an ex-wife.
Episode 15
Danno: Listen to me, I was there too. My eyes were wide open and I would do it again. It was worth it for Chin. But you have to admit we have been crossing the line a little lately.
Danno: You couldn't walk him down the steps?
McGarrett: What's in his hand, Danny? He drew his gun on me, okay?
McGarrett: I need to know who's sending these emails.
Hacker: How am I supposed to know that?
Danno: You're a hacker... hack.
Danno: You see, now you put us both in a bad position. He's gonna go do something stupid.
Danno: If I'm gonna die on this island- Which I never should have come to in the first place- Your face is not the last face I want to see.
Chin: You know what they say about consequences?
Danno: No. I don't.
Chin: They take a lot of planning.
McGarrett: Guess the rest of us who don't have a seat on an aircraft carrier will just have to get out or snorkels.
Kono: Don't look at your feet.
Danno: How am I supposed to know where my feet are if I can't look down at them?
Episode 14
Kono: Ooo...That guy's pretty hot.
McGarrett: The dark one, right?
Kono: Nah, the blonde.
Danno & McGarrett: That's me.
Chin: Hey, you're not psychic. You can't read people's minds.
Kono: I should have know he was lying.
Chin: That comes with time and experience, Kono. We all make mistakes. You gotta learn to live with that 'cos that's part of the job.
McGarrett: What about our John Doe?
Danno: You mean Jack?
McGarrett: You got an I.D.?
Danno: No...His head was in a box. Jack...
Chin: That just ain't right, bro.
Danno: Too soon?
Chin: Listen, I hope you know that everything I did was to protect you.
Malia: I didn't want your protection, Chin. I wanted- When it was over between us everyone thought I was the one who left you. That really hurt.
Danno: You bought it online?
McGarrett: Yeah, I bought- Why?
Danno: What are you a schmu- What'sa matter with you? Don't order anything off the internet.
McGarrett: Danny, it's the twenty-first century.
Danno: Tell that to the guy with no master cylinder.
Kono: You ever wish you chose another line of work?
Chin: Everyday... Never.
Chin: You did pass the H.P.D. Test for pursuit driving, right?
Kono: What test?
Episode 13
Governor Jameson: If what you say is true, and you are going after a person as powerful and well connected as Hiro Noshimuri, you better be certain you have rock solid evidence and proceed with extreme caution. Because if you don't I don't think I'm gonna be able to protect you.
Governor Jameson: I have never known a Navy man that couldn't find a lady a beer.
Danno: I have a number of a therapist I wanna give you. Walk up steps like a human.
Mary McGarrett: Well, dad's a cop, and you're like a freaky ninja. The least I could do was pick up a phone.
Episode 12
Danno: Can I ask you a question? Why are you always driving my car?
McGarrett: I like to drive.
Danno: No. Rainman liked to drive. You have control issues.
Sang Min: Back so soon.
Danno: What can I say? I missed your smile.
Danno: It's not like my tree. My tree is small. It's depressing. It's pathetic.
McGarett: It's perfect. It's just like your apartment.
Chin: You two of those in Hesse and it didn't kill him?
Danno: Next time shoot him in the face.
Danno: Although I do not see the fun, nor do I agree with watching my dinner brawl it out in a steel cage match, that is not what we're doing here.
Chin: Guy's a cockroach. That's what they do. They come back from the dead. Next time you step on him don't take your foot off.
Episode 11
Kono: This room alone is bigger than my apparment.
Chin: The trunk of my car is bigger than your appartement.
Kono: Thanks for reminding me.
Danno: His idea of communication is dropping a witty one-liner and shooting you in the face.
Danno: May 18th, 1996!
McGarrett: What is that?
Danno: The last time I puked. Don't make me break my streak.
McGarrett: You will not be sick in this car. You will not be sick in this car!
McGarrett: Take that tie off. No one on a cruise ship wears a tie.
Danno: Oh yes, they do. They do all the time, so they can hang themselves when they're bored.
McGarrett: Okay, put it in your pocket. You can kill yourself later.
Danno: Newlywed killer. Someone should just tell this guy that after time couples will kill each other.
Kono: So, you deal with dead bodies all day, and your hobby is dead bodies?
Max: I also make pickles. It's a good way to reuse specimen jars.
Danno: It's okay? I know that you are trained to endure torture, but this is unbearable, okay? This is- This is not right. Songs this bad make people want to kill other people. Understand?
McGarrett: I think it's catchy.
Kurt Miller: I'm not saying anything else without my council here. So, book me if you have to.
Danno [looking at McGarrett]: Do not say it.
Danno: Oh! Whoa! Whoa! What the hell are you doing?
McGarrett: Probable cause. We were just doing a thing. I thought...
Danno: I meant we could get a key from the manager, you Neanderthal animal.
Kono: Love is blind.
Danno: Not that blind.
Episode 10
McGarrett: Can you tell me how many people live next door?
Rachel: Just a couple.
Danno: So two?
Rachel: Last time I checked that's what a couple was.
McGarrett: Why are you so angry?
Danno: 'Cause I'm an angry person, okay?
Danno: I just had a thought.
McGarrett: Don't hurt yourself.
Kono: Boss, I have a print kit in my car.
McGarrett: There's no time.
Danno: Don't play dumb, Gordon, I hate that. It's a pet peeve of mine.
Kono: Anyone up for a swim?
Chin: I forgot my board shorts at home.
Danno: Looks like the rooky is going for a swim.
Danno: I've been calling you like you owe me money.
Episode 9
Danno: This is really good news. I mean, you're human. Who knew?
Danno: You have got to do a better job of picking your friends.
McGarrett: What are you talking about? I picked you.
McGarrett: Do you realize how much of your life revolves around food?
Danno: Do you realize how much of your life revolves around armed conflict?
David Atwater: I'm meeting someone.
Erica Raines: Then I'll stay long enough to make her jealou
Episode 8
Danno: What are you smirking at?
McGarett: Nothing. It's just the no tie thing... You're starting to look like you fit in.
Danno: Well, don't get used to it.
McGarrett: I came to ask you questions
Danno: Oh yeah, well if it's about the prom, I already have a date.
Bastille: I'm not saying a word. Not one single word.
McGarrett: If you want to do it the hard way just say so.
Danno: So, if things go bad, which one do you want?
McGarrett: I'll take the ugly one.
Danno: That's good. They're both ugly.
McGarrett [to Danno]: I'm so glad you're not hotheaded. I'd hate to work with someone like that
Danno: Okay... alright, then give us a name, a number... I'll settle for a hiaku, just point us in a direction.
Episode 7
Steve: I thought I told you to stay put.
McKay: Hmm. I'm an old man. I don't always hear so good.
Danno: I mean, I'm no detective... Wait a minute! Where am I? Oh, I'm a detective!
Danno: No, no. It's not because you're a woman it's because you're a rookie. Which is... way worse.
Danno: Okay... Let's say I am you, and you are the bad guy here. I would know that all the ways onto the ship are visable somehow. So, how would you outsmart yourself and get yourself onto that ship without yourself seeing yourself?
Steve: okay, was that an actual question, or were you just throwing words together and hoping they made sense?
Danno: Him? And I'm here for what? The entertainment?
Episode 6
Steve: When I say "book em' Danno" it's a term of endearment.
Danny: Ok, do it every day... I like it.
Danny: Roads have asphalt; this is dirt on a cliff.
Steve: Scared?
Danny: No I'm not scared, I am rationally concerned.
Danny: You want me to pay?
Ka Wika: Haole, you took eight islands from us, the least you could do is pick up the tab every once in a while.
Steve: Least you could do.
Chin Ho: Part of doing this job is knowing when you are not the one to do it.
Carlton Bass: He marketed the Northshore surf lifestyle and made a lot of money. A lot of people resented that.
Kono: Only one pulled the trigger.
Danny: I hate it when rich people get killed.
Steve: Why?
Danny: They have something everybody wants.
Chin Ho: Which means plenty of suspects.
Episode 5
Steve: You don't think I am a happy person?
Danny: I am sure you have your moments, like when Guns and Ammo puts out its gift guide, or a Rambo retrospective comes on TV.
Mary: Big night last night.
Cathy: Hmm?
Mary: Old House, thin walls.
Cathy: Oh God!
Mary: Yeah! You said that a lot last night.
Danny: I don't know I was still playing Ms. Pac-man
Steve: Ever made it to double pretzel?
Danny: Triple Banana bitch.
Steve: You're lying.
Danny: She catches bad guys for you. She sleeps with you. Does she cook too?
Steve: She is a great cook.
Episode 4
Chin Ho: Come on, Tarzan, now we have an advantage.
Chin Ho: You got her to use a military recon satellite and then you made a date?
Steve: I'm a multitasker.
Chin Ho: Impressive.
Danny: I love pancakes in the afternoon.
Steve: I like pancakes.
Danny: You do? You seem more like napalm in the morning kind of guy.
Mary: Can you stop staring at me like a hot-fudge sundae?
Danny: First you have to seek to understand before you can be enlightened.
Steve: I will literally pay you cash to stop talking.
Danny: Why do you have aneurism face?
Steve: I don't have aneurism face?
Steve: What happen to you?
Danny: I tore my ACL, from all the fun we have been having the last few weeks.
Steve: Well, once you're done bitching about your boo-boo, I would love to know what's going on here.
Episode 3
Steve: t's five-O. It's what my dad used to call our family because we weren't native Hawaiians. So he named us five-O's - 50th state in the union. I don't know. It was his way of making us feel like we belonged some place, I guess.
Steve: Let me ask you something. How far deep did you have to dig? I mean, how much of your soul did you just lose by actually appreciating me?
Danny: Ah. (thinks about it a moment) Measuring.
Steve: Right. Maybe you're not as alone here as you think, Dan-o.
Danny: Let me ask you a question. Are you literally insane?
Steve: Oh relax. It's a cage for tourists. They're harmless Galapagos sharks. They're not meat-eaters. Joey doesn't know that, though.
Danny [after seeing the markings of a gun in a pizza box]: Thick crust. Extra bullets, please.
Danny: Okay. All right. What's that look?
Steve: What look?
Danny: The look. The look you give me when you don't tell me what you're thinking and the next think I know I'm getting shot at.


Episode 2
Steve: Book em' Dano
Danny: Really? Is that gonna be a thing now?
Steve: You don't like it?
Danny: Don't like it.
Steve: I think it's catchy.
Steve: That guy was only going to talk under fear of death?
Danny: Fear of death? People will tell you anything under fear of death. That doesn't make it true!
Danny: Where you going?
Steve: We are going to Roland's house, these guys are thieves, I want to know what you are after.
Danny [pointing off the roof]: That way, you're going?
Steve [turns around towards stairs]: Shut up.
Danny: If a suspect dies, he loses the ability to speak. Ergo, he is useless to us.
Steve: Ergo?
Steve: This is densely layered ballistic glass, laminated onto a shield of resilient polycarbonate.
Danny: Why can't you just say "bulletproof."
Steve: Nobody in Hawaii wears a tie.
Danny: Oh sorry, I like to look professional.
Episode 1
Steve: There is something you should know about your brother Victor.
Victor: What's that?
Steve: He died the same way you did.
Danny: Put your hands behind your back, don't make me shoot you again.
Sang Min: What kind of cops are you?
Steve: The new kind.
Steve: That is your cousin?
Chin: Choose your next words carefully. Both of you.
Steve: I am sincerely sorry, that is what I was trying to tell you, last year, when this conversation started.
Danny: Your apology is noted, acceptance is pending.
Danny: Let's just not talk.
Steve: You mean now? Or ever?
Danny: We shouldn't be doing this without backup.
Steve: You are the backup.
Danny: I am the backup. I hate him so much.
McGarrett: Tell me you know how to swim.
Danny: I know how to swim. I swim for survival, not for fun.